Now is the winter of my discontent…
This blog's title is a borrowing and slight paraphrasing of a line from Shakespeare's Richard III. It makes for a better introduction than my complaining about the winter weather in New England.
Of the many email newsletters I recently unsubscribed to, one was from a photographer based in New York, James Maher, http://www.jamesmaherphotography.com. Within his January/February newsletter, there were a few paragraphs that stuck with me after I had read and sent the email to the trash:
"A few years ago, I decided I was going to just stop photographing in February. For personal work, at least.
And it flipped a mental switch. There's nothing good about February in the Northeast. The magic of the holidays is over, the energy heading into the New Year is depleted, the wind beats you down, you feel that extra chunk around your midsection. People hunker down, and not much happens.
It was easy to feel guilty in February, like if I really wanted to be a photographer I needed to push through even when things suck. And while that spirit of the grind is important, it's funny how untrue that thought was.
So I just started saying it to myself more, I don't photograph in February. And you know what? I started to look much more forward to the month. It's a time to take in the quiet, to think about the year. To not put so much pressure on yourself."
James is right; February in the Northeast is a peculiar beast, sometimes a seemingly malevolent spirit. It is a cruel month that temps us with a hint of spring, like last February when there were a couple of days in the high 50s and 60s. My partner Therese went kayaking out on Narragansett Bay. Then winter claws its way back, refusing to go quietly. This year has been relentlessly cold. Most nights, the temperatures are in the 20s, and a few nights, it has been in the teens. The temperature was 17º this morning when we headed out for our daily walk. I know my friends and relatives in North Dakota, Minnesota, Maine and other colder climes are laughing at me now!
I am whining a bit here, but I was born and raised in California and do not suffer the cold weather well. The biting chill of winter winds gnaws at my bones, and the promise of spring feels like a distant dream. The cold saps my energy, and my motivation dwindles. So, following James's example, I decided not to take any photographs in February.
At first, the absence of photography felt like a loss – a void in my life that I was unprepared for. Without the challenge of constantly pursuing the next "great" image, I spiraled into a dark pool of introspection, a period of reckoning with my own limitations and insecurities. It has been a struggle, but with support from Therese and friends, I am working on allowing myself to pause, breathe, and embrace life without the pressure to capture every shot I see or dream of. As February draws to a close and the promise of spring lingers on the horizon, I am hopeful I will emerge from my photographic hibernation with renewed vigor.
To be totally honest and transparent, I have taken some photographs. I have not gone out intending to shoot, but I made a few images over the past few weeks. In fact, I made the image accompanying this post the other morning as I got into our car anticipating this post. So, my pledge to not take any photographs in February was akin to pledging not to speak unless spoken to - life happens. Oh, I resubscribed to James' newsletter. There may be another nugget in a future issue.